Most people have sexual fantasies. But few actually act on them or even consider them, because they go against what they consider ethically or morally correct, they find them somewhat “strange,” or they are embarrassed to confess them. Therefore, they ask themselves: To what extent are they a positive stimulus for enhancing their sex life? Or, conversely, can they interfere with our relationships and make us feel bad if they go against our values or involve people other than our partner?
To answer these questions, we must first clarify some ideas: sexual fantasies are a very valid erotic resource, and they are as different as people. The problem is that, on a social level, they are not very accepted. The feeling of guilt, shame, and other stereotypes imposed on sexuality by society have led to the fact of having them being questioned from a moral perspective. Who would immediately want to have sex with a granny after watching Latina granny porn videos?
But, in reality, they are part of an individual’s “imaginary”—often influenced by the collective—and everyone has the right to have fantasies that they find exciting and not to share them if they don’t want to, even if they have a partner. Having them doesn’t mean being unfaithful or disloyal, nor that your life or your relationship, if you have one, is unsatisfactory, because it is part of our human condition.
Regarding their meaning, and, as with dreams, our unconscious can influence them, as can past experiences, our social environment, and sexual education. Therefore, they can also help us understand ourselves better and/or detect any problems with sexual dysfunction, insecurity, or dissatisfaction. In this regard, and if it’s repetitive or a concern, it’s best to consult a sexuality specialist.
In any case, according to surveys, most sexual fantasies are much more common than we think, in both men and women. According to a study conducted by researchers at the University of Montreal, based on a survey of more than 1,500 people, the essential difference is that most men would like to make them come true, while few women consider it. Women find locations stimulating and place more importance on details, and they also have sexual fantasies more frequently with their partners than men. But each person is different, and generalizations are impossible.
What are the most common ones?
Relationships that involve power games: dominating or being dominated, doing it in a public place where you might be surprised or exposed to everyone—such as in an elevator, on the beach, or in a public restroom—having sex in a group or with a stranger without saying a word, or having a threesome (the latter is much more common in men).
There are no fantasies that are better than others. In general, and as long as they are not the result of a personal problem or negative experience, there are no right or wrong fantasies, nor are there better or worse ones. They simply express personal emotions and intimate desires, so they can help us understand ourselves better sexually.
Reality vs. fiction: Many don’t have to be strictly erotic
They can be situations that include a new component that we find stimulating, awakens our sensuality, or makes us feel powerful or desired. For example, both men and women often fantasize about having relationships with several men or women simultaneously or consecutively, in which they are the main object of desire, although, in reality, they have reasonable doubts about whether they would find it gratifying beyond a certain number of men or women or whether they could physically endure it.
What is considered unusual or should be discussed? In general, those that involve an abnormal, obsessive, or worrying situation.
